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Pages: Life dealing with my ex (WARNING: LONG!!!) [1]
Author Topic: Life dealing with my ex (WARNING: LONG!!!)
Adaline

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2011-02-08 17-55-32

Life dealing with my ex (WARNING: LONG!!!) Note: My ex is really mad at me...when I left him, it was for a woman and I told him so - BAD mistake!!! I told him that I woulkd come back the next day, and discuss the separation and divorce more rationally....by the time I got there at 9 AM, he had a restraining order against me, and I did not see my girls for lamost 4 months. The judge ruled joint custody with him as primary because I had "abandoned" them... Anyway, things have been kinda rocky over the years, and I am finally, in the last 3 years, been able to start having a good relationship with my girls (our divorce was final in 2001) and I REFUSE to talk my youngest daughter Ana out of going off to college....anyway, she really wants to go to UT at Corpus. She has been working at Bill Miller's, and can transfer to the that is right by school. She has an apt. lined up, and financing is coming together. My ex ed me yesterday, complaining that I had agreed to take Ana to Corpus in about 2 weeks to look at the school, and so that SHE can put a down payment deposit on her apartment... HE WAS PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!! He sooooooooooooo wants her to stay at home and attend a local college and then he can keep her under thumb. Ana got a 1390 on her SAT - that is even better than my sister's brainy daughter did! She keeps an A/B average, and has worked whenever she can. My oldest was not even able to date until she was 19, and did not get her license until she was 21. She ended up dropping out of college, lives at home, works sporadiy, and has a loser BF.... He kept bringing up all kinds of arguments why she should stay here: she is immature, has poor study habits, she does not know how to care for herself, etc. I told him that I screwed up when I allowed him to have the - 'course, the way he went about that was underhanded, but nevertheless - bad on me...I am in a position that I can help Ana (THANK GOD she is paid off in August - as far as support goes)....then I will...I have told her I will help with $400 a month, my sister is buying her a moped to get around on, I will get her a cell phone, we will get her furniture, Bill Miller's will give her $500 a semester for tuition, she will work PT, and we will get her student loans as need be...
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biasi

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2011-02-09 11-52-46

Your daughter is lucky to have parents that are invested in her future and have the opportunities and choices she does. No matter what an ass your ex has been to you, he has done what he feels right by her. You are doing what you feel is right. Either way, you have both done a great job at raising an incredibly great kid. Ultimately,it is HER decision what she does. Good for you for allowing her grow up. Personally, I never take s late at night that I know are going to upseting. Deep breaths.....
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  • oliverio

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    2011-02-09 12-08-02

    Good for you and how proud you must be of Ana. She needs a chance and it sounds like she has a great Mom who is willing to allow her that chance. Good on ya. She can always come back home if things don't work out, she doesn't have the skill set to take care of herself because she has not had a chance to develope that, she will. She sounds like a sharp cookie and she will be fine.
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    lock

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    2011-02-09 18-45-23

    Thanks for the kind words I was kinda hesitant about posting about it - I wasn't sure what ya'll would say - to this day, I regret losing my girls - what kind of woman leaves her ? But the court took the matter out of my hands - at least, now that they are getting older and maturer - and hell - of Ana's dearest friends s her his "fag hag" (groan) - anyway, the point is that I am getting my back in kind of backassward way - but I like it!!! Lisa
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  • radbourne

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    2011-02-09 19-05-24

    great mom Wow. you really seem like a great mom. My mom and dad were going through a divorce and then right at the end my mom past away but understand alot more of all the fighting and stuff then you think they do. Just hang in there it can only get better from here it looks like. By the way i am 20 years and i really think you are a good mother.
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    Brandy

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    2011-02-10 6-48-28-

    Thanks everyone I really hesitated to post about this because of what has happened in the past - Now I am glad I did cuz it is nice to have what I am thinking affirmed. ThisGirl, I am so sorry to hear about your mom - how long ago did this happen, if you don't mind my asking... Unfortunately (for my ex anyway) I am am alive and kicking, and want to really be a part of the girls' lives... David really did a number on them - yes, he had them in therapy - but would not let me attend - my oldest is really resentful, but is coming around.... I doubt, in the end, he will give in, but if he doesn't, I will do whatever I can to help her achieve her goal.
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    marken

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    2011-02-10 13-37-22

    You might consider not using your daughters name, or your ex's. Given that pic you posted a while back with her on the horse, it may be giving away your families identity. Just a thought I'd like you to consider as the internets are not always friendly. And Best of luck to you.
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    holian

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    2011-02-10 16-13-17

    Ugh - You're right Thanks for pointing that out - again...sighsssssssssss.........
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  • fleur

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    2011-02-11 8-50-55-

    LOL - somebody reaaaaaaaaaaaaly doesn't like me! Almost every post I get someone gives me a -5 or -10 rating---this is getting funny.......
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    wyland

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    2011-02-11 13-15-16

    I know the feeling Happens to me too. Strangely, this is a new occurrence for me. Never happened before. And I'm sure has nothing to do with the tiff I had yesterday with a few ladies. Lucky for us the points are useless. Unless they're tied to brownies. In which case, I am pissed!
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    zilch

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    2011-02-12 1-30-36-

    Heh - Or Coors Light After a long day, sitting on the porch watching the horses graze, and the dogs act silly..... And waiting for the BBQ to be ready!!!! = )
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    krishna

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    2011-02-12 11-02-57

    for the most part, just ignore the ratings it used to be they were more for a specific post. nowdays they seem to follow posters who have ticked someone off for some known or unknown reason.
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  • dweck

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    2011-02-14 8-01-36-

    If you aren't pissing someone off, you're not doing something right.
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    wollman

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    2011-03-19 22-34-20

    That is pretty well my thoughts too....
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  • geno

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    2011-07-13 19-11-59

    good on ya When I left my little town for the city, my mom fell apart. As I was pulling out of the driveway, she was screaming, "you're going to be a total failure. You have no life skills and you're about to fall on your face. You'll be a drug addict. You'll be homeless. I hope you when reality hits because I'll have a good laugh." My quiet dad walked over to the car and shook my hand...sneaking $x into my hand, which was the first money he'd ever given me. He kissed my cheek and whispered, "you'll make us proud. In fact, we already are." I realize now that she was reacting to her own fear and it was torture for her to feel me extricate from her control because she was genuinely afraid for me. Explain to her that he's not critiquing her abilities as much as expressing his love and fear of letting her go into this cruel world. You're giving her a gift in supporting her and encouraging her to take chances. We can only go as far as we can reach. Hopefully, you can soon tell your ex that you appreciate his wanting to keep her safe but that she has to make her way. And that she can always come back. I wish someone had told my mom to tell me I'll make it ok and that she believes in me. That would have made a big difference. Maybe if you ask him to do this (nicely), he'll give her (and himself) that gift.
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  • lubrano

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    2011-12-20 9-12-21-

    Yes, I agree... But he is so dead set against losing control...I'm gonna do another post about the lunchtime update...sighs............
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