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Pages: sex with a statue [1]
Author Topic: Sex with a statue
marlatt

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2011-02-08 15-18-11

sex with a statue Let me start by saying that I am more in love with my girlfriend that I have ever been with anyone in my life and I believe with all my heart she is the I will spend the rest of my life with... unless this issue isn't resolved. (and I know there will be some that say maybe she doesn't feel the same way about you... let just say that is a given and work on the issue at hand) When we make love, it feels really good to me, all I have to do is think about being with her and I can get off. It's amazing! BUT, when I begin to pleasure her (in any way), it feels to me like I'm having sex with a statue. She barely moves or makes sounds and then if I'm not doing what she likes, she'll tell me what to do. It's like she's so worried about getting off, she forgets that we are making love. So naturally, if and when it doesn't happen, I feel like a disappointment and get upset. So now, recently she has been feeling rejected in the bedroom because I hate feeling that inadequacy so much, I don't really even want to have sex with her sometimes to avoid it altogether. SO, Is there anyone who has an idea of either 1) how to repress those feelings of disappointment so that I can just make her feel good and not worry about the end product, or 2) get her to RELAX and just be with me in the moment and not get so caught up in the sex part... umm... like i do at the end? I know that she loves me too because she complains that she thinks that I don't have the same feelings toward her that she does toward me... which is a whole other topic in itself since she's the not getting excited... hmmm. HELP!
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arden

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2011-02-09 5-34-28-

LOTS of communication Talk with her - maybe she is distracted, or worried, or has some deeply rooted stuff about sex, from a past relationship, from abuse... Try spending intimate time together without the pressure of it having to be point-A-to-point-B-SEX. Just hang out together in a romantic way, focused on each other. Lying in bed holding each other and talking, taking a bath - something physiy close without pressure for either of you to "perform." And maybe counseling would help, if none of this stuff works. If you really love each other, you can probably work it out.
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bengel

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2011-02-10 1-50-48-

where's OneDashTM?
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burby

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2011-02-10 8-43-52-

she may have some abuse in her past Tread carefully, my friend.
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ivery

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Posts: 16

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2011-02-10 23-54-55

Lots of things you can do together that alleviate the pressure to perform.... take a massage class together, erotic or not if there are hot tub rooms in your area, go to them and just sit and enjoy and talk, maybe kiss a little. read to each other in bed, then go to sleep afterwards. get used to the closeness without a need to orgasm. spend a nite all cuddled up together watching sappy old movies (or sci-fi if that is more of your thing) in your sexy outfit or nude, whichever works for you. also, there are sexual massage DVD's that are great, ArtProcrastination can steer you to some good ones. Perhaps if you relax a little too, intimacy without orgasm is a good thing...
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bordwell

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2011-02-11 14-45-33

Maybe you are just bad in bed.... try reading some erotic lesbian literature, go to a sex toy store, do your research.
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  • perala

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    2011-02-11 20-20-28

    tacky answer Frankly this all sounds pretty good to me. You're in love, sex is satisfying much of the time, she's communicating ( maybe not in the way you like but by talking and telling you what she wants, be happy with that, it might just be the way she expresses herself). The only problem is an orgasm isn't happening every single time. Well that's pretty normal, something a large number of people experience. It's not something that reflects on either of you or your relationship. While a lot of people will say that intimacy is the important thing and not "the sex part" not having an orgasm usually leaves people high strung and agitated however enjoyable things probably were. So you should buy a good vibrator (an electric or rechargeable with some power) and use it at the end if all else fails. Problems solved. Hovering performance anxiety and wondering how to repress it g It won't do your dishes or your taxes but it will solve a relationship problem that sounds like it is just mechanical not personal. Maybe you have some trust issues and that's adding to the problem. You worry about what she wants. She worries that you don't feel as strongly as she does. But I think you could clear out this particular issue in a practical manner .
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    simonich

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    2011-02-12 13-53-56

    Not everything needs to be disected ad nauseum
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    wernicke

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    2011-02-19 6-13-09-

    Thanks for wearing the bitch hat today. I appreciate the day off. See y'all tomorrow!
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    Shoshanna

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    2011-04-07 8-47-05-

    My comment wasn't meant to be bitchy Sometimes being concise and to the point is more helpful than making assumptions that are not warranted in the information provided. I think the girlfriend "giving direction" is an indication that she is not being satisfied and perhaps the poster lacks certain skills. Assuming the non reaction is the result of trauma may be on target, but it could be that the poster is just not very good in bed. I don't think my suggestions were out of line at all, given the information.
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    ricke

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    2011-04-17 9-20-11-

    I agree with ODTM... This speaks of a possible sexual trama. There may be nothing you can do but encourage her to explore this possibility. Slowly. Keep talking. Keep encouraging.
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    poissant

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    2011-09-02 22-20-56

    near catatonic during sex just screams of past sexual abuse, doesn't it?
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  • philida

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    2012-03-06 6-29-41-

    really great DVD about sexual healing This is really, really good. It is not sexually explicit but talks a lot about healing and communication! "Healing Sex: The Complete Guide to Sexual Wholeness" Just about any obstacle can be overcome with an open mind, willingness, an open heart, and education.
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    Nabil

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    2012-11-23 15-20-15

    another movie I like is Bliss. It's a married hetero couple where the woman has some abuse issues. The movie skims over some basic explanations and adds some tantra which can be very effective when applied therapeutiy. Take it for what it is tho - a movie.
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