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Pages: Almost Safe Wording... [1]
Author Topic: Almost Safe Wording...
gagen

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2011-02-08 16-43-55

Almost Safe Wording... It is pretty obvious while pushing a sub too hard or too far that it hits a point when it is too much and she Safe Worded. Good thing that she did as it stopped her from getting harmed... but also let me know that I was going too far... when I thought I wasn't. What I am wondering is if there were any times when she was pushed hard, maybe not too hard, yet still harmed her physiy or emotionally... yet she didn't tell me nor Safe Worded.... As she didn't tell me nor Safe Worded I don't know. So to the subs or the Doms... have there ever been times when you were pushed close to Safe Wording but didn't yet were still harmed in some way... and didn't tell your Dom? If so why didn't you tell your Dom?
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winchell

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2011-02-09 9-23-03-

Go with 2 levels of safewords Yellow = slow down, let's just chill for a moment, maybe sub needs a little break. Red = scene's over. That way you can have more communication and you can play hard.
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Farzad

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2011-02-09 11-48-19

Pushed close...yes Sure, I've been pushed close. I've had the thought on the tip of my tongue. Thus far, I cannot say that I have ever had any lasting damage from continuing though. I have had Tops stop scenes themselves because they judged that I was d And I have been asked "are you done?" and responded with a nod. I have had great experiences with debriefing after scenes to discuss where I was. Some of those have been very powerful experiences that prevented or healed any potential "harm". But I have said this before that I cannot be trusted to use a safeword. I often get non-verbal when I'm in a z This varies completely depending upon the type of scene, the circumstances, context and who the Top is.
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  • Thayne

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    2011-02-09 16-14-24

    i think many subs see safe wording as failing in some ways fng. I don't. It is simply a communication tool we use, that's all. Some days I can take more than others. Or if there's a cramp etc.. I do think it happens that subs go off into subspace and are no longer ABLE to safe word, even if it's dropping something maybe they want and can't...that's when a Dom really needs to know his sub and keep close eyes out interesting question
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    huebsch

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    2011-02-10 9-42-51-

    I see a little differently I do think safe words are great but I also think they are at times relied on to heavily. IMO, the fact of the matter is it is the Dom/Top’s job to not go too far, he/she should do this completely independent of a safe word, by the use of perception, intuition, emotional intelligence and communication. I personally don’t safe word much, well beyond the points where I should, for that reason I NEED a Dom who has an emotionally vested attachment to me and will check in, will take pride on getting to know me and managing my/our limits.
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    pini

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    2011-02-10 22-32-19

    I agree with this We don't have a safe word established. He watches me, studies my reactions and always asks if I am okay when introducing something new or going a bit farther than he has in the past. And yes, even though I feel I am letting him down if we must stop, I know its better than doing harm to myself and/or him and/or our relationship.
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    counterman

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    2011-02-11 2-32-31-

    I like the multiple safeword method that CapnSpanky mentioned... And in the cases of those who have a difficult time speaking while they're flying in subspace, and who may also have a Dom who's unsure of when he's reached her limit, I'd suggest a check-in procedure as well. If the Dom notices that his sub doesn't safe word when she probably should, he should then ask her often what her safe word is, and after she says it, then ask her if she needs to use it.
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    mosko

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    2011-02-11 16-39-06

    I play with a sadist that does not stop until I safeword...I hate safewording and I haven't with anybody else but him...because like I said, the whimpering, begging, pleading and crying only excite him more... I have learned that to safeword is the only way to stop him, short of being really injured, and he counts on me to know exactly where that point is, even flying in space. I'm actually really glad to have a playpartner that I can use it with, just for the peace of mind that I can use it, even when totally spaced out. It is also getting me over the "if I safeword I let him down, or it's showing me giving up" mindframe. I think great aftercare helps repair damage done in a scene.
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    compston

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    2011-02-12 9-20-18-

    IMHO, expecting you to safeword every time is abdicating his responsibility for you, particularly if you are playing hard and you have to stay mindful during the scenes when you are floating. Serious injury or damage that way lies.
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    gawthrop

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    2011-02-13 17-16-05

    Here Here I WAS trying to just lurk this afternoon, you know.... :P I'm much more of a "check in" guy. I don't especially want to hear a safeword, but I need to know that I WILL hear it if necessary. To that end (only) I will test on occasion and push hard, checking my own 'reading' of her reactions and her ability to use the safeword. But I liken this to checking a fire extinguisher. You want to make sure its working before you really need it.
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  • hollars

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    2011-03-16 1-48-07-

    In most cases I'd heartily agree w/ Serrephim But because KIT specifiy wants to learn how to safeword even while flying without feeling like she's let her Dom down, I think it's a great boundary-pushing experience *for her*.
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    laughter

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    2011-07-04 14-50-40

    I can see your concern and I would totally agree with you if I did not believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that this man knows exactly what he is doing. He knew me for a while before, he knows how I play, he knows I hate to safeword, and he knows that I like to challenge the Top. The fact that he makes me safeword to end it, is pushing me in a way I had refused to go for months with anyone esle because I refused to let them "win". If he wasn't so experienced, and if I didn't trust him and know him like I do, I wouldn't be able to do that.
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  • woobin

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    2011-07-17 13-16-52

    I have been fortunate to have hardcore partners with whom there was no need for a safeword, because they were so in tuned to me that they had my best interest at heart even when I didn't (or couldn't) myself. I've stopped a scene on a few occasions, but it wasn't necessary to employ a safeword to do so. For me this works because I don't play coy and pretend I don't want something I want, so I tend not to say no when I mean yes - it's hotter for me to act like I like what is being done to me (because I do) and be verbally humiliated for being slutty enough to like it. With casual partners, I do use safewords because I don't expect them to know the ins and outs of me as well as a trusted, consistent partner. I have rarely had to employ them though, because I don't play hard with casual partners. More to the meat of your question - there have been a couple of scenes where I played beyond where I should have and there was some emotional fall out. I don't dwell on these though, nor do I punish or blame the Dom for them. I look inward and expect to know myself better in the future.
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  • mankowski

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    2011-12-24 2-33-02-

    I concur on the first paragraph entirely... i don't have much casual play experience but think that a safeword would be something i would use more in that context aswell. that said tho, even a casual play partner I would want interested to become in tune with me, so the safewording woudl hopefully be part of a growth process to get to the place mentioned in your first paragraph.
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    bahl

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    2012-04-21 17-10-04

    We may have different definitions of casual For me, a casual partner is most likely not going to get to be part of my paragraphworld - I don't play as frequently as I used to so this doesn't come up much these days, but casual is bounded by people I would be willing to play with, but not commit to - the commitment part is what takes it to paragraph
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    Leny

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    2012-12-18 11-08-19

    ya ok i get ya... I guess I don't have that high an interest in the true casual partner. I could see it maybe in a club or party setting where i was say, just having fun... these situations tho don't come up often for me.
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  • mayfield

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    2014-05-03 0-17-46-

    I dunno who negged ya but I think this is a lovely post, so I've brought you back up to "even Stevens" You have been fortunate, and that probably has a lot to do with how much thought you put into how you play and who you play with.
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    dorsi

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    2015-07-08 19-02-24

    Just old sour grapes, I expect. I've moved on, though clearly someone is still harboring something. I can't control it, so I just don't let it bother me, and prefer not to much attention to it.
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  • narum

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    2015-08-20 7-10-51-

    you still have friends here
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    Korney

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    2015-09-14 17-16-41

    Yes. I did not tell him in the moment (safeword) because I was too into submitting at the time. I didn't want anything to stop. But I did tell him afterwards. It was not huge damage, it was just something that I should have safeworded over.
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