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Pages: my first time in a forum, I'm questioning [1]
Author Topic: My first time in a forum, I'm questioning
deponte

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Posts: 2

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2011-02-08 19-08-48

my first time in a forum, I'm questioning HI. I am 21 year old who is not completely convinced that I am totally hetero. Not totally convinced. I love men, they're great, but I have always had fantasies with women... I think I have only had like 2 in my life that were with a man. I couldn't even get aroused to please myself for the longest time without thinking about a woman (I am better now, but if I can't get excited enough, I always have women fantasies to fall back on). I have never been sure why this is. My first orgasms in my dreams were with women, and they were.... some of the best ones I have ever had. It's great. I'm just not sure. I have had a few crushes on women in high school and a handful more in college. The show the L word gets me totally turned on (sorry if that is clichet). I get totally nervous about these girls I have had crushes on and its totally unlike any crush I have ever had on a man. Sometimes when I am out drinking, and I meet someone who is bi or a lesbian, I totally want to make out with them, but I don't have the balls to flirt or really come onto them (I am really scared). I love men. I love them. My last serious relationship I wasn't satisfied in bed and I told him I might want to try a woman. He was supportive at first, then he wasn't and I felt like I was just making excuses or something. I don't know. I WAS molested as a by a man, and I have been sexually assaulted in college by a man, so part of me feels like I have these feelings because I still don't completely trust men and feel more comfortable with women. Maybe I am making excuses again. This is all pretty daunting.
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buechele

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2011-02-09 16-38-07

You might be bi. You might be queer or hetero It's hard to say, really. I don't know you. So...I'd suggest finding a support group for questioning folks. See if there's at your local GLBTQ center.
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guile

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2011-02-10 9-56-54-

Lots of people have been in your shoes. It can be confusing, but it doesn't have to be. Try to sort out your feelings, though, before "trying" a woman. No-one wants to be an experiment! Good suggestions here - therapy, a gay/lesbian/bi support group... and know that lots of us had a period of confusion before we figured things out - some realized we were straight with hot gay fantasies, some are lesbian, some are bi - and some stay fluid and never claim a title. You'll be OK. Act with integrity and trust your heart, and things will get easier.
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  • Corinne

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    2011-02-11 1-33-36-

    Molestation doesn't make you a lesbian Molestation won't change your orientation. It could make you have problems with sex in general or trust relationships. Sounds like youre bi. Date folks and see what works for you. It will be just as hard to find a woman you like as a man you like. You just have more folks to consider! I agree about the "trying" and experiment thing in a sense. But isn't that was dating is anyway?
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    philida

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    2011-02-11 8-48-32-

    Are you talking to me? Or to the OP?
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    grosvenor

    Sr. Member
    Posts: 7

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    2011-02-11 21-03-05

    It is really scary, especially when you have memories of assault floating around with all the other confusion. Seriously, therapy is the best investment you can make in yourself. Many women who experienced violence in their younger years don't start sorting in out until their mid to late twenties, so you're really ahead of the curve here. Take your time and focus on being really, really nice to yourself. Nurture yourself. Treat yourself well. It's a bumpy road. I would personally discourage you from going out and experimenting at this point - Jumping in before you're ready is just going to create more issues. Even after I was out to myself, I needed over a year of processing time before I was ready to date women. Everyone has to find their own path, but there's no need to rush it.
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