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Pages: help! [1]
Author Topic: Help!
hudman

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Posts: 3

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2011-02-08 19-23-10

help! Hi, I am not a lesbian but my best friend is. She just came out last year and now we are drifting apart. She won't invite me to hang out with her or her new friends and she never makes an effort to hang out with our group friends. I don't care if she is a lesbian or not...i just want my friend back and for her to be happy. Any advice or insight as to how I can reach out to her?
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dawe

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2011-02-09 14-08-36

have you tried telling her what you just posted?
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meter

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2011-02-09 17-16-01

I have tried talking to her... I am out of ideas and thought I would seek advice here.
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dutcher

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2011-02-10 10-37-57

yea, lightingphilly is right, try talking to her if she dumps you anyway, then really, she isn't a very good friend at all.
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betancourt

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2011-02-11 2-08-50-

I think she might feel weird around me... and I dont know how else to make her understand that I am totally okay with that and support whatever she wants to do.
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  • hanaway

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    Posts: 16

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    2011-02-11 16-14-25

    Sometimes actions speak louder than words Show her by being a good friend. Try to reach out. Honestly, if that doesn't work, and/or it gets strained, maybe give her some space.
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  • mathai

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    2011-02-12 9-01-24-

    Have you tried just talking with her? That would be my first suggestion. Reach out. Ask her over for dinner. Talk with her. Tell her you miss her. Simple is sometimes best. I feel for you, but it's hard for us to really know what you should do. She may just be whisked away in a gay whirl, and will come back to her old friends soon, or she may be afraid of you judging her, or you may have said something to make her feel unsafe.... who knows. Hard to tell from here. She may have come out, but she's still herself - and still an individual. Not all lesbians think the same way or do the same things. Good luck.
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  • mesko

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    2011-02-12 10-03-21

    Wow, we all owe each other a Coke!
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    barthram

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    2011-02-13 19-51-02

    Hoo-rah!!
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    armes

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    2011-02-21 20-04-25

    Thanks for the advice everyone =)
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  • gettle

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    2011-03-24 6-21-55-

    Good Luck, LoveBug. I hope you get your friend back.
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    treesh

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    2011-07-22 16-06-48

    to be honest... maybe she thinks ur judging her or that ur friends will. tell her u love her regardless of her sexuallity... she'll come around.. give her time. not too much tho
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    Athar

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    2011-08-29 9-02-19-

    she needs to be comfortable with herself, and clearly she might not be, if she is shutting you out. don't go out of your way to talk about her being gay, and don't go out of your way to not talk about her being gay. tell her about some guy you met or are dating, then ask if she found any cute girls. sometimes it's hard for gay people to bring things up, and we just wanted to be included in the usual normal conversation! if every sentence revolves around her being a lesbian, she'll be uncomfortable. but if you completely ignore it and try to down play it, she might feel uncomfortable too. try to remember why you were friends in the first place. talk about that stuff... my main advice i guess is to ask her about her dating life, and maybe say "if i was a lesbian, i'd probably like angelina jolie" hahahaha, you know, make light of it without making fun of it. think abut how awkward you'd feel in her situation, it isn't anyone's fault.
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  • gurtner

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    2011-09-24 6-20-18-

    Maybe She Was... ... in love with YOU before she just came out and moved on. That's my sitch, except I'm the who came out and moved on. I was in love with my straight best friend for x years! And she never knew. About x.x years ago, I came out, and am now, finally, moving on (with a fabulous new love!!!) .... about x months ago... And am finding my big new gay life to be busy and fabulous! And am having a hard time, and doing a poor job of maintaining my BF's friendship! She, however, has no interest in observing my new life... just wants to keep our status quo. Well, that's just not possible. And I can't pinpoint exactly why. Sorry I can't be more encouraging or helpful, but that's my view from my position that resembles your friend's position. She just may not feel comfortable with you observing her in her new habitat... Maybe you could ask her that specific question.... "Is it that you would not be comfortable with me seeing you in your new life?"
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    corson

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    2011-12-30 21-43-07

    i'm still wondering how this turned out!
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