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vawter

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2011-02-08 17-36-56

New here I lurk here sometimes but haven't posted before. I want to get your thoughts on my situation. I've been with my partner for many years and we have a together. I love her and our son so much. Recently, I have developed a strong crush on a woman I work with. I can't stop thinking about her and get nervous when I see her. This is very strange for me as I haven't felt this way since my partner and I got together almost a decade ago. I really don't know how to handle these feelings. I daydream about kissing her, but I would never act on it. I want to get over this, but at the same time, it's been kind of exciting having butterflies again after so many years. Should I stress about this or just let it play out and hope that eventually the feelings will fade?
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garp

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2011-02-09 11-12-09

Find annoying things about her and yes YES it'll pass. People are never the perfect things they seem when you first meet them. I suggest avoidance. Do not get involved. You have a good thing, don't mess it up. It is okay to have crushes. You are still human, right? But you cannot tell her or act on it without reprocussions. TRUST ME. I have 2 and went through a breakup with a decade old relationship. We have been apart 3 years now and it is still hard on every I sometimes wonder would it have been as painful or LESS to stay (and my situation was not positive as yours sounds). It is not worth it.
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  • jump in to it as much as possible
  • bania

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    2011-02-10 6-18-00-

    scroll down the page and focus on the 'languages of love' thread. If you are happy with your current gf, then figure out how to work it out and make it better - get things back on track. If you are not, then deal with that straight up - but don't bring someone else into it just because your eyes are wandering.
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  • champeau

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    2011-02-10 19-22-49

    Use the crush to your relationship's advantage Analyze your feelings and find the things that make you crush on her and use them to spice up your relationship. Bring what you like with her into your own relationship. It's quite natural to be attracted to someone once in a while. Like they say - you are wed, not dead :). But dont let them ruin the beautiful life you have. Like misnomer says, keep a distance, do not flirt.. it will get pass.
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    molaison

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    2011-02-11 6-30-48-

    and don't drink if you are trying to keep your distance and not flirt... (hummmm - I think I was just saying that to myself last night)
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    meegan

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    2011-02-11 13-17-30

    Yes, good advice although drinking together would never really happen considering we work at different offices in different cities. But it's true, adding drinking to the mix would make it much more complicated :)
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  • bind

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    2011-02-12 1-33-58-

    are you in SF and she is in another city or is she in SF and you are in another city. of course you don't have to answer, but I'm curious.
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    Jyoti

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    2011-02-12 1-55-21-

    Actually neither of us are in SF I just use SFO as my default location. We're actually in Southern California. We work about an hour from each other.
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    miranda

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    2011-02-12 21-05-08

    use this as an opportunity to focus that energy on getting to know the person you are with better. I am sure you are wondering lots of things about this crush right? Are you certain you know how your partner would answer? What about kissing your partner the way you think you want to kiss crush? I bet you would get a positive reaction. Maybe even spark some bigger flames since you know you love her. Acting on this crush will mess up more than your relationship, you work with your crush and that is a big problem.
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  • fioravanti

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    2011-03-02 13-05-27

    Thank you all for your advice I would really never act on these feelings...I do love my partner. It just kind of freaks me out that I could feel this way about another person. And yes, it's just a crush, I don't love this woman. I don't see her often, we work at different locations, so avoidance is easy. But I still do have to work directly with her occasionally.
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