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Pages: Why can't I follow my own suggestions? [1]
Author Topic: Why can't I follow my own suggestions?
denyse

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Posts: 1

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2011-02-08 16-37-18

Why can't I follow my own suggestions? I know that when friends have been attracted to someone, I'm the first to encourage them to ask her out, even just as a friendship date to coffee or maybe a movie and such. Why am I such a big chicken? I met her about a month ago, we hit it off as she so warmly welcomed me to the gathering that I was attending for the first time. I've seen her since a few times at similar gatherings and have talked to her. We've exchanged e-mails and in both the e-mails and brief one conversations, she's been very kind and personable. For whatever reason, I've just never been comfortable asking someone out...maybe it was because the very first time I did, over 20 years ago, over dinner I said to her, "I've never asked someone out on a date before until tonight" to which she said "You consider this a date??????" Ouch. I just don't know how to do this. The last e-mail I sent her was after I'd seen her and she wasn't feeling well...I e-mailed her and said that I hoped she was feeling better and that I had wanted to but didn't know if she wanted s...what I was really asking was if it would be okay to her. I hadn't gotten a reply e-mail all week. Tonight she did e-mail me saying that she's feeling better and hope I have a great holiday tomorrow. She didn't mention if it was okay to her. Today I actually did her, let it ring 4 times and then hung up without leaving a message. Why am I such a big chicken?? In the past, my girlfriends did the asking. I've probably walked away from many potentially awesome friendships because I don't know what to do after 'hello'. The fear of rejection is just too paralyzing yet she hasn't given me any 'messages' that are rejecting of me...she's just not a big "let me check my e-mail several times a day" kind of person. Sorry so long...I'm tired of being paralyzed by fear of rejection...I am a good friend and I have really good friends but when attraction is in the mix, the big chicken suit comes out. How did you do this? If she's not the asking type, am I up a creek with no paddle??
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mathea

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Posts: 5

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2011-02-09 9-14-03-

If she's not the asking type and you're not the asking type, no asking will ever occur. That's pretty much the size of 'er. If you like to read, find a book ed Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.
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  • thanks. I'll try to go
  • quan

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    2011-02-10 4-12-55-

    Thank you!!! Okay, so I spent an inuhumane amount of kill time on on Sunday b/c of the rain. Never even thought of making an account here. But after I read this post, I was converted. lol. This book ed "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway." I may end up buying. Thank you for the suggestion (even though it wasn't meant for me ^_^ ) Now I'm off to study for my midterms!
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  • shuff

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    2011-02-10 18-18-24

    Thank you, I'll buy this after work tomorrow I'm reading parts of it on-line right now from the Barnes and Noble website...thank you nushka!
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    fioravanti

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    Posts: 2

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    2011-02-11 10-26-17

    suck it up Seriously. You like her? Enough to want to date her? Ask her how she'd feel about a date.. worst she could say is no. Thing is? If you are afraid you are going to get ON the date only to find out she doesn't think it IS a date, consider clarity in the asking... "Hi so and so.. I was wondering.. how do you feel about dating?" Is a nice open ended question.
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  • Bea

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    Posts: 6

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    2011-02-11 22-31-34

    Yes, I like her enough to want to date her Should it be a friendship date, "Would you like to grab a bite to eat or go to a movie sometime?" or should it be clear that it's a "date" date?? I don't want her to think I want her to be just a friend but I'm scared to let her know that I want her to be more than that. But I know, too, that in some ways, being that clear up front for some can be a turn-off yet for others being direct and honest is an immense turn-on. Is it too cheesy to tell her that I really like her and would like to spend time with her if she'd like to do that too??
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  • Amie

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    2011-02-12 13-48-57

    Is it too cheesy? If she is not especially interested, then, yes, she will think it is cheesy. If she likes you, then, no, she will not think it is cheesy. The thing is, if she likes you, it will be pretty hard for you to screw up asking her out. That's how liking someone works. It gives you a big pass on looking like an idiot.
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    laxton

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    Posts: 27

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    2011-02-12 18-06-49

    Why not segue? Get to know her by doing stuff with her, and see if the attraction develops. You don't really know each other, at this point, so maybe your crush will evaporate with time - OR - maybe when you know her a bit better, you will feel more confident asking her out. Or she'll ask you! Or.... not. It's the risk we all take putting ourselves out there. But if you don't try something, you'll drive yourself nuts wondering. Just try to keep things human-sized. Don't make her larger than life. It's hard to get over that. Grain of salt: I suck at this stuff, myself, so all my advice is well-meaning speculation.
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    uffelman

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    2011-02-12 19-00-03

    Did you say SEGUE? see more pwn and owned pictures
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  • lantry

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    Posts: 20

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    2011-02-24 18-12-54

    Ha! Nice pic, but I meant the DJ kind of segue...
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    sochor

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    Posts: 16

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    2011-04-07 18-24-43

    Ha! That's so wrong.
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