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Pages: anyone ever bothered by SO's past relations? [1]
Author Topic: Anyone ever bothered by SO's past relations?
petitt

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Posts: 1

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2011-02-08 14-17-33

anyone ever bothered by SO's past relations? I am... Seems to bother me worst when I'm at work. Things she has done with other guys, it makes me feel like... I dunno, it's nothing special that I get to do those things with her now because of all that she did with other guys. I'm sure it's my problem, but I just was looking to see if anyone else here has ever felt the same, and how they dealt with it. It really doesn't bother me when I'm with her at all, just when I'm away. Kinda weird.
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fluitt

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Posts: 3

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2011-02-09 2-29-13-

I felt that way when I was a teenager and early 20's...just think of all that experience for your benefit.
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darragh

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2011-02-09 20-21-55

so you don't anymore? And did it just go away? Or do you not feel that way now because you're with someone who doesn't have all those experiences, or at least hasn't been as open about those experiences?
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goyer

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2011-02-10 13-11-50

I don't feel that way anymore we don't live in a box or in vacuums... we meet all kinds of people along the way..What would you do if your SO was upset if you were with other women in the past...
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camilla

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Posts: 10

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2011-02-10 14-50-13

well... in that respect, he's really lucky i've been with only 2 people my entire life, other guy, and him. and the other guy pales in comparison... but it's just a matter of insecurity I think. I'm secure with who i am and who he is, and i trust him with my life. so i'm not bothered by his past "conquests." it could be that she feels inadequate, insecure... us women are such complex beasties... perhaps you could try showing her how much she rocks your world... and why she's with you and not her... just a thought...
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bowdish

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Posts: 13

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2011-02-11 7-29-09-

None of us can change our Past It is not like she did those things in her Past knowing she's going to be with you today.... Find out what she hasn't done and explore those... or realize yes she did A, B and C before... but now she is doing it with YOU and that makes it different.
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vanek

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Posts: 29

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2011-02-11 16-23-58

It bothers my wife about mine. She is ok until we run into an ex then she gets pissed. We just had a HUGE fight over it. Personally I think it is silly. She isn't with those other guys, she is with you. Sex is different based on who you are with, how you connect. There isn't a magic way to get over it, but you should. You must be special because she is with you now.
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bengel

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Posts: 16

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2011-02-12 1-24-03-

the past is the past i don't hold him responsible for the past. in fact, we have talked about his other past relationships. it doesn't bother me at all. I figure, i'm the he loves, after all that, so it's a good thing :-)
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  • vanier

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    2011-02-12 13-40-09

    That is my point exactly I wish my wife would take the attitude you have Playful!
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    simonette

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    2011-02-13 0-02-06-

    oops bored, i replied to the wrong post... please see above. i think i need more coffee. i'm a dork
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    farrior

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    2011-03-07 0-35-40-

    But a sexy dork LOL
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  • Pritchard

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    2011-06-25 19-41-28

    that make me feel great about myself;(
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    Melissa

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    2011-08-25 22-16-00

    haa! funny :-)
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  • mcquary

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    2011-11-08 12-07-38

    I kind of assumed but my response to you was the same. You have a healthier outlook on your SO's ex/s then my wife.
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    marjory

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    2011-12-21 22-53-20

    you can help her get there don't let it just stay that way... take an active role in her psychological health.... that was a huge part of my growth and maturity. my guy has helped me grow so much.... i feel like a hot, desireable woman, because he took all my insecurities, obliterated them, and showed me how desired i was by him. in time, those insecurities melted. being female, i still deal with issues when they rear their ugly heads, but i have the foundation laid by my guy that says i'm loved, i'm cherished, and that makes me feel extremely secure. and safe.
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    santangelo

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    2012-02-04 21-38-51

    Good advice - We ended up in a big fight and I didn't make it better. We got over it now, but there still is a long way to go. I don't quite get the whole program - we have been together a long time. We don't see my exs that often and I see her ex husband all the time! Gotta do, what you gotta do to make the marrage work.
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  • elfers

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    2012-04-14 0-57-50-

    :-) the journey can be quite a ride, no?
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  • seanor

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    2012-04-28 18-07-44

    Yes it is, Happy marriage = swallowing you pride more than your used to.
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    morehead

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    2013-01-26 1-26-42-

    that's the spirit :-) but seriously, if you feel she's worth the work, the effort you put in it will pay dividends for a long time. someone once said that the wife is the reflection of how she's regarded or feels she's regarded by the husband. while i don't totally buy all of that, i think there is some truth to that. i still believe there is some ownership involved in the part of the wife towards her mental health, but there is definitely truth in the fact that how she perceives her husband is treating her or regarding her will impact her mental health an awful lot.
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  • cipriani

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    2013-04-15 8-18-05-

    totally! I learned to look at it like this... "Wow! I am jealous of this girl because she was x and he liked x... and she was y, and he liked y... and z, and he LOVES z... But DAYUM. I must be even BETTER than x, y, and z because he is with ME, not them, and he's happy!" I used to just burn myself out thinking about how I am blonde, and I know he likes brunettes, how I am silly and creative where he likes people who are deeply intelligent and academic seeming... blah blah, the list goes on. Now I can say "Yeah! DESPITE the fact that I am a silly blonde, he likes me more than those other chicks who have these qualities that he likes. Something about me is so awesome that it compensate for all of these other tiny details."
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    barberi

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    2014-07-21 15-53-22

    Y'know what? Deep down, I bet she knows it's silly and feels like a butt for overreacting about those things. I always did. It was just so hard to be rational when the emotions rear their ugly head. Sure my brain said "WHOA, This is not that big of a deal. If you freak the fuck out, you'll just make him feel bad or angry and push him away" but my dumb emotions are like "LOL IT IS TIME TO YELL AND CRY NOW!" Dumb emotions >:| It's always nice finding ways to shut the emotions though :D
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    keen

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    2015-08-16 21-48-09

    Hi Time! Sorry I missed you on there. Been a little busy at work off and on and was paying attention to the forums rather than my mail. Sorry about that :) You can always email me, too, that way I can respond when I realize you've messaged me!
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  • bilbo

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    2016-01-24 13-02-50

    try telling yourself you are going to check your baggage at the door. Then do it. Refuse to look at the thoughts of where you both have been. Concentrate on the relationship you have now. When you are alone plan what you are going to do with her next. If the old thoughts come back, tell yourself those bags are to be left at the door. There is a reason she is with you and not them. Go from that and make your own memories. The longer you are with her, the less other relationships will matter. They were her learning experience as were any relationships you had before her. Leave them in the past, plan for the future and live in today.
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