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Pages: so I hung up on her- [1]
Author Topic: So I hung up on her-
boeker

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Posts: 35

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2011-07-11 16-22-06

so I hung up on her- And I hung up on her, because it was the ethical thing to do- I was married and I have never cheated on nobody, ever, or been unethical that way. When I say we had never talked I mean it, we had never talked or touched- nothing- privately- just talked with other people in groups- NEVER ever talked privately, never DONE anything- and yet she ed me and told me that- and I was MARRIED- I had only met her twice- !!! Around other people- But she knew. Ok, I was and am crazy about her. I hadn't slept or been with my husband for over a year. She KNEW it was nothing in my heart- like her. I had never even talked to her al That was the first private thing she had said to me, on the ph "I love you". She just knew. ANd I knew. SO, now I have broken up with my husband, filed for divorce, told everyone in my life, ren, mother, brother, family, friends, that I am coming out as lesbian, and I am seeing her next Thursday but around a bunch of people. I have still never touched her (other than a group hug for chrissakes!)(it wasn't a hug between just us even it was with someone else between us but I touched her back with the tips of my fingers!)(my life is pathetiy wonderful right now, isn't it?) or even talked to her on the phone since I legally separated!!! Nada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am so happy. I really am. I am the happiest I have been since Jess, my first girlfriend, was alive (that person, I her HER and PERSON now, it took years, for years it was IT and That Thing-). And I am also SAD- I am FEELING- so much- you know what is weird- I never cried when Jess was g It just KILLED me, but in a dead, numb way. I feel like I have been sleepwalking for x years now. ANd like I just awoke- and for the last month I have been weeping every night- about JEss. Because I never let myself mourn her, I just shut down, for so long. And I've missed that depth of loving some I really have. I never thought i would ever feel this way again, and it's ok if it's all nothing. I will be ok. But I can feel this alive. It's really nice.
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