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Pages: What to do when the sex is bad [1]
Author Topic: What to do when the sex is bad
hanagan

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Posts: 2

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2011-02-08 17-16-54

What to do when the sex is bad I've got a problem and need some friendly helpful advice. I've been in a long term relationship with a fantastic woman. We have wonderful relationship and she fulfills my every need except for ..she is not that great in the bedroom. The sex, in the early part of our relationship, was okay at best but never great. I've had mind altering sex with women in the past, unfortunately these women were not relationship material. I'm pretty sure I'm not the problem. She constantly wants to have sex with me and judging by the sounds she makes in the bedroom when we are having sex I can tell she is enjoying herself. She also verbally tells me how much she enjoys the sex/love making, I on the otherhand cannot say the same to her. It's gotten to the point where I try to advoid doing anything that will lead to an intimate moment. I've tried to educate her in some techniques that drive me wild in the bedroom...no luck. We've gone to sex shops and bought toys to enhance the sex...no luck. I'm into the fetish scene and have incorporated that into our sex lives...still no luck. The problem is her technique, it's all wrong, she hits all the wrong spots. I've literally had to grab her hand and guide her, I'm tired of being a teacher, she just doesn't get it, even after all these years of being together. I've taken her to workshops, rented videos etc. She is just naturally bad in bed. I cannot come out and tell her just how bad she is in bed, she would be crushed...gutted. Her self-esteem is fragile. I will never leave her because I do love her but I am starved for some mind blowing sex. Every once in a while I go to the lesbian bars with friends. I'm not there searching for anything but I do get hit on quite a bit and it's getting harder and harder to say no, I am beyond horny. I've had a few women slip me their phone numbers...so tempting... Should I just get a mistess on the side? Someone who can satisfy my sexual needs and nothing more. There is no way I will be able to get my partner to seek professional help with me regarding this matter. Frustrated in the City... PS I did not check my spelling :)
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bareis

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Posts: 10

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2011-02-09 10-37-23

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  • winchell

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    2011-02-10 5-02-17-

    2nd that
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    pennel

    Hero Member
    Posts: 17

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    2011-02-10 5-21-03-

    i realize it's easier for you to cheat on someone than for you to find a tactful way to have a serious conversation about about the sexual component of your relationship. you're prolly just not sexually compatable. and yes, day you will break up because of it.
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    hoverson

    Full Member
    Posts: 16

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    2011-02-10 20-03-32

    Bad sex I guess I should have thought twice about posting in here, I'm not getting the most thoughtful advice, my mistake. Kindly disregard my post.
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    rainbolt

    Member
    Posts: 13

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    2011-02-11 11-56-17

    you're asking for our permission to cheat what did you expect? here's how i see your choices: continue suffering break up with your gf cheat on her get her to agree to an open relationship take your pick.
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  • jun

    Sexy
    Posts: 7

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    2011-02-11 23-36-27

    great sex should be your priority break up and move on. When you are 70 and you just want to hold hands and lay in bed together find her and tell her you always loved her.
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  • highland

    Full Member
    Posts: 16

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    2011-02-12 17-57-37

    are you typiy a bottom? personally, i can have mind-blowing sex, or at least an orgasm, by fucking with a strap-on. maybe you could get with of those bullet thingies. maybe you can learn to fist yourself.
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    wyland

    Sexy
    Posts: 28

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    2011-02-26 8-14-15-

    If you want companionship get a dog if you want great sex/love making I suggest you find another girl.
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  • kwiecinski

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    Posts: 39

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    2011-05-16 6-28-21-

    You have my sympathy Unfortunately you don't have any easy options. The world is too small (and unpredictable) for you to cheat on your girlfriend and expect to get away with it for too long. If her self-esteem is so low as to be completely crushed if you tell her she's bad in bed, imagine how ruined she will be when she finds out that you've cheated. You need to talk to her about your sex life. Find a way to do it without coming out and saying something like, "Goddamn you suck in bed". Maybe something more in line with, "I feel really depressed about our sex life because I'm not getting what I need from you in bed. I don't think that I've been clear enough about what I would like you to do. Blah blah blah... etc..." If she loves you and wants you to be happy, she will find a way to work on her technique until you are satisfied. But she can't fix the problem unless she knows that it exists. If you make your feelings about this issue known to her and she does nothing to remedy the problem (or if she's just really naturally horrible in bed), then you should break up with her. Horrible as it will be in the short run, if you don't take action now your resentment will build over the years with her until you do something awful that makes you look and feel like an ass. Some people might suggest asking her if you could have an open relationship, but I think it's a bad idea. You can't change the rules so easily once you've started off monogamous, and you'll probably wind up falling emotionally for someone you're having casual sex with anyway. Good luck. I don't envy you at all. I think a relationship that is mostly wonderful is worth an attempt at saving, but don't stay if you are going to be miserable.
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  • cecala

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    2011-08-05 17-19-09

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    feser

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    2011-09-25 21-20-26

    It's lovely, thank-you! We keep it on the kitchen table (yes, I have cleaned and disinfected it) for easy access. People are screaming bloody murder behind my house, but they are students so I'm not going to x. How are you? Did you apply for a job with our mutual friend's company?
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  • kolarik

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    2012-03-20 17-25-57

    Yup, just waiting now but I'm still sending my resume out to every lab I can. It'd be nice to ride my hog to work.
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    jinx

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    2012-12-17 16-03-39

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    2015-12-07 15-33-52

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