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Pages: Domestic Violence [1]
Author Topic: Domestic Violence
lanni

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Posts: 5

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2011-02-08 18-52-53

Domestic Violence Last night, my GF and I were arguing and I got so angry that I smacked her on the head. I have NEVER hit her, or anyone I was dating before. We were both stunned and I immediately broke down and sobbed for a good 20 minutes. She came over and held me and said she knew I didn't mean it. I wanted to leave but she hid my keys. She knows my stance on domestic violence, is that the moment someone lays a hand on you, regardless of the circumstances, you should leave them, immediately, no second chances. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'm actually the type of person that would hit someone they were in love with. It's against everything I believe in, especially as a woman. Before last night, I would have never believed you that I would ever lay a hand on someone I loved. I've always had an anger problem, I even broke my hand punching out a wall once, but I thought I had it under control. I can't even look her in the eyes anymore. I feel like I've crossed an invisible line in my own brain. I hit my GF and I got away with it, what will stop me from doing it again? The saddest part of it all is that she is the calmest, sweetest person I've ever met and has never even raised her voice with me.
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olah

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Posts: 15

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2011-02-09 16-03-18

it sounds like you may want to look into some anger management courses. Something was said or happened to trigger your anger. You may want to talk with someone about it other than us. We can give you advice and helpful hints but there is something deeply seeded that needs to be worked on. it's only my opinion.
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  • sandi

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    Posts: 6

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    2011-02-10 9-29-35-

    Anger management problems and domestic abuse aren't necessarily the same thing. Some people are repeat abusers or repeatedly abused in relationships and their behavior includes things not related to anger and violence like jealousy, co-dependence and control. Other people have anger management problems that could be directed at anyone like a coworker or a stranger and are just about anger. It sounds like you are more in the second category if you've always had an anger problem and previously haven't been abusive in relationships. I agree with others that you should get treatment for anger management.
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    lips

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    2011-02-10 12-20-48

    You did an awful thing. However, this does not mean that you are a bad person, or that you should imagine you've opened the door to some inner monster you've so far managed to repress. Your track record as you describe it doesn't seem to indicate that you are an abuser or likely to become habitually violent.* Make no mistake, I'm not saying it's ever okay to hit anyone. You know this already. And since you describe having problems with managing anger, consider this incident of inappropriate acting-out a very clear message to yourself: counseling around this issue is overdue. You'll be so much happier after you learn more about your triggers and how to modify your behavior. Don't tell yourself you're a lousy person who doesn't deserve to change. Because then you won't. Tell yourself, because this is likely true, that you're a person who needs to get a bit of a behavioral tune-up because you and the people you love -do- deserve that. Good luck. *Based on the very little information provided here. If it's other than what you describe, that's all the more reason to seek counseling quickly.
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  • resnick

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    2011-02-11 4-46-09-

    Please seek counseling, GE... No matter what your girlfriend told you, it is not okay to exhibit your anger through violence of any kind especially when directed at another person. Your description of that interaction is a classic example of a typical response to an abusive domestic situation. To honor yourself as well as those you care for, do not allow that situation to be repeated. I would seriously suggest you contact your local women's shelter to present this issue and ask for immediate guidance.
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    barrack

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    Posts: 30

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    2011-02-11 18-00-30

    Take some space to get a grip.
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