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Pages: any advice about girlfriend's porn? [1]
Author Topic: Any advice about girlfriend's porn?
stoffel

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Posts: 19

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2011-02-16 8-58-36-

any advice about girlfriend's porn? I know I should be able to tolerate a little porn watching, that lots of people do it, etc. etc. But it hurts my feelings so much when my girlfriend watches or buys porn. I've asked her not to tell me about it, which she may or may not do, but how can I get over this feeling that she's thinking of other girls instead of me? Please help if you have any advice (but not to tell me generiy that I should "get over it." I am well aware that I should get over it, but I have a really hard time getting the image of her beating off while looking at someone else out of my head.
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ewan

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Posts: 25

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2011-03-27 1-10-41-

watch it together. you may learn what does it for her. And you may learn some new things that turn you on. Also keep in mind, she's learning new tricks. In any case, it'll probably put you both in the mood so that she won't want to do it for herself tonight!
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  • uffelman

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    Posts: 59

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    2011-07-09 11-18-57

    maybe I'm being stuck-up but I really don't think there is anything to be learned from watching a hustler video. It's completely fake and that's why I can't watch it. I'm not much of a voyer to begin with, but I just can't watch something so obviously fake and not be turned off. And the other thing is that she doesn't like me to touch her because she has a lot of pain due to a medical condition. It just makes me cry thinnking that I can't do anything for her but looking at these girls does.
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  • burda

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    2011-12-08 9-02-31-

    she's a man trapped in a woman's bod :p I feel the same way when my partner does that... it took a long time for me to start looking at it like "they're just looking.. they only touch me." *or in most cases, themselves* You should just tell her it makes you uncomfortable and be honest about why it makes you feel uncomforatble... don't just make it look like some small annoyance or she won't think it's serious. Alot of times it's not really the "girl" per se that they're focusing on... but more.. the "acts". When I started looking at it that way, I was less offended because lots of stuff my partner watches, I know I wouldn't ever do.. so if watching someone else sort of satisfies whatever perverted itch that needs to be scratched... I guess it's okay. Last resort... Watch it on your own and beat off to it with her knowing.. see how she'll like that one. :p Good luck!
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    Cristionna

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    2012-05-04 16-38-09

    thanks devoted Please write more if you can. I just feel so alone b/c I can't talk to friends about this because they know her and it wouldn't be right. It sounds like you actually uderstand... She definately knows how much it bothers me. But the insane degree to which it bothers me prooves that it really is my problem. I mean I know in my head that it's not a big deal. But I can't stop thinking about it. In fact what bothers me even more is that she knows I get skeeved out and kind of hostile whenever she brings up porn, so when she went out and bought this dvd (despite extremely financial pressure at the moment) she told me about and said she got peered pressured into doing it. I can't stand that it's more important to try to get me to say it's ok and that she feel better about not hiding anything while I have to have these images in my head. She says hiding it would make us like her parents. How do you argue with that? No babe, being x and straight would make us like your parents...anyway, thanks for listening and I hope you can respond. It's nice to hear from someone who's felt the same b/c I think most people just think I'm nuts. And btw, it IS the girls, b/c the acts are totally mundane (and STAGED TO ALL HELL)
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    ruvalcaba

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    2012-07-24 2-22-14-

    if she's buying stuff despite financial issues that's a whole different problem.
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    rehmer

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    Posts: 41

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    2013-03-09 22-32-02

    just a highly rationalized single purchase It's not an addiction or anything,the problem is that I can't stop thinking about it. What can I think about to stop thinking about it?!?!?
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  • grossman

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    2014-05-05 21-10-17

    meditate. and i don't mean that in the eastern-religion sense, quite. Sit and think. Deconstruct your thought process. If you already accept that this is a problem with you, then you should have less difficulty identifying the mechanisms by which you react negatively. For example: i flipped out a bit more than i should have when i found out my best friend (male, but that's mostly irrelevant) was going to ask a girl out. I knew my reaction was way out of proportion. So i made some distance (a requirement for me personally, i've seen people who can do this without distance), and tried to understand why... which is the process of saying 'i reacted badly. why? because i'm jealous. why? because i like having his attention focussed solely on me. why? because he's my best friend and my primary link to 'home'.' Ah, so there we have it. I'm jealous that he's asking a girl out, because i'm insecure about being so far away from home. My problem, not his. Self-examination is a wonderful skill to posess. (keep in mind, though, process listed above took measurably longer than it took to type out. This isn't a x minute thing, unless you're really good.) So, the short version: what you can think about so you stop thinking about her porn viewing is the real reason you're reacting so badly.
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  • winfield

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    Posts: 61

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    2014-06-24 22-15-03

    no problem ;-) If she knows it upsets you.. have you thought that maybe that's why she does it? It upsetting you might give her some sort of deranged pleasire. True it seems a little backwards and immature but my partner does that with me... in other ways. When it comes down to it, you're going to have to make a decision on whether you're going to accept her little porn issue.. or maybe it'd be best to be friends. It might seem a little extreme, but it's not fair to you to be in a relationship if you're going to constantly be upset. What kind of life is that? It's away street and if she can't at least acknowledge the hurt you feel when she does those things enough to at LEAST keep it to herself and do it when you're not around to see or hear it... then nothing will come of this relationship but misery. Is there anything that you do that pisses her off? And if there is.. has she told you about it and have you stopped? If the answer is yes, then it's obvious that she's being kind of selfish...
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    klemz

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    2015-08-09 3-55-21-

    at least in hetero world a huge subset of women think about someone other than their partner when having sex. So... just to be a bit unhelpful, even without the porn she might be thinking of someone other than you during the sexing. Also, what the other people said... honesty. Tell her why you feel what you feel, and if she can't respect that, well, that's a bad sign regardless of the topic.
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  • guttenberg

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    2015-12-30 8-04-42-

    Take it away from her. And send it to me for safekeeping. Seriously. her porn-life has nothing to do with you. I know that's what bothers you, but, aside from the whole spending-money-you-don't-have aspect, it's harmless and normal. Almost everyone gets turned on by porn, which is why they make so much of it. Here's a chance for you to become a more healthy person by figuring out why you feel the need to be everything to her (which is utterly unrealistic) and why letting go of that illusion is so scary for you. I'll bet this comes up around issues other than porn. Hey, look at me! I'm being all serious and helpful!
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